I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
