If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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