glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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