hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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