In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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