a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
