If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
