How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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