before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
