I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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