well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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