You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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