My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
