Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I didn't notice because vodka
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
