Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
