all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
