i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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