Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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