toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We don't watch enough power rangers
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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