If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
