i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
