That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
