Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
