i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
