i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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