that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Randomize
