i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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