someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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