The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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