I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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