In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
