I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
