you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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