I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
