Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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