We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
