I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
