I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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