im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
