can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
