when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
