I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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