Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
