shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Found your dick twin last night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
