dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
