In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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