i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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