he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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