haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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