I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
All I want is dick and wine.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
