she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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