I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
