Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
