so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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